1. |
November 9th
03:47
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It's like I woke up but I wasn't asleep
My head feels heavy and my legs are weak
And I'm still not quite sure what happened last night
Leave the flat with like two layers on
And snow's pouring down as my bus pulls away from the stop
But what does it matter, I can just walk
My feet are soaked and my hoodie doesn't help with the wind
My shirt is too small and my jeans are ripped
And holy shit it should not be this dark 9am
Fingers are numb but I check my phone
Cause I've still got hope that this is just some sick joke
But no
I guess this is who we are as a nation
Frightened and spiteful and in need of salvation
Don't you dare say "it's not as bad as it seems"
Cause soon we'll see bodies hanging from trees
I'm walking to class with tears frozen to my face
And I think I've used up all my emotions for today
I hear the grass crunch beneath my feet
Stand still, take in the scenery
What a day for these York suburbs to look so beautiful
Catch my first glimpse of the sun peeking over the empty houses where the kids have just left for school
Wish I could just hang out with them, wish I could go back to being ten
Wish I didn't have to go to class and explain to the people that let this happen
That politics is not an opinion
It's a conversation about how people should be treated
Turns out your hot takes and sympathy for fascists
Actually really fucking matter
Votes affect real people and wreck real lives
60 million Americans would rather I die
I don't know what the future holds for me
But right now I can take in the scenery
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2. |
Post Clubbing Blues
02:37
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Eyes unfocus
Street signs multiply
Wishing for MORE DEEP CUTS
Maybe I can find some glass on the road
Cause fuck it, I've already ruined my clothes
Somehow make it back to the hostel without incident
I swore at a couple cars in the street
I'm just asking for it
I really am asking for it
Cause 6' 1", not drunk & still pinging
I lay in bed alone
I can still hear the music
I feel a buzz all over my body
I feel like I'm falling backwards
The early morning light illuminates the spinning ceiling
I'm not going to be sick
I'm not going to choke on my own vomit
I'm going to keep on living
It shits
Get up and go to the toilet
Practice makes perfect
Plus I have some more lyrics to write
And it's nice and dark when you turn off the light
Why does no one I like have a fetish for blood
I'd let them fuck my cuts
Pull apart my cartridge razor like a wishbone
Forget dysphoria, I can shave when I get home
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3. |
Rest of My Life
03:01
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I like me better when I'm drunk
I like me better when I shut the fuck up
BUT NOW I'M SOBER
AND PEOPLE KEEP TALKING TO ME
Grocery shopping cause decent coffee
Is hopefully all I need to break this routine
But I'm living minute to minute
Cause alcohol is on every fucking corner in this store
There's so much red wine
And I love red wine so much
But more than that I love having friends
And I love wanting to get out of bed
So now I'm straight edge
Didn't think it would ever come to this
Now I'm straight edge
It's the least I can do to deserve to live
But what's even worth living for at this point
I got kicked out of my flat and I've got no way to deal with that
So I'm sitting on the floor of my new room
Still haven't done the sheets cause it's fucking cold and I don't wanna move
Okay I'll have a stress wank
And not-quite-cry myself to sleep
Beneath the light of the moon
Under my dragon tree
Next to piles of books
And dirty laundry
At least now I'm feeling things
At least now the room's not spinning
At least now I'm not spending £100 a week
On drugs that make me unbearable for everybody
Cause now I'm straight edge
It was a good couple years of drinking
But now I'm straight edge
And living life like an actual human being
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4. |
Transport in York
02:26
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Train back from Leeds
At 1am
Got a lecture in 8 hours
That I'm probably gonna miss
The gig was fun
I didn't drink
I didn't dance
I didn't even sing
It's cold and wet
I'm wet and cold
My jacket isn't waterproof
Like I was told
Bus stop
All alone
Holding a record that I bought
And my phone
Which is almost out of power
Been waiting here half an hour
And now there's an hour wait 'til the next bus
This timetable is bullshit, I'm tired and lost
Can I give you a call I need a little talk
I hope you don't mind if I wake you up
I hope you know this isn't something that I'd do
To anyone but you
"Hey, sorry for calling so late
I wanted to talk and I couldn't wait
It's been a while and I've been thinking
I really want you to know that I've stopped drinking
It's hard, I'm not a huge fan of sobriety
And God I hope you're able to salvage a decent night's sleep
I'm not sure that I can take care of myself
But I feel okay, and okay is pretty great right now"
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5. |
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7 Hour Darkness Invasion London, UK
sad tgirl from london/chicago living in york
Check out 7hdi-demos.bandcamp.com for
demos!
c/w: there's a lot of shit about blood/trans stuff/suicide/alcoholism in all my albums
header is a comment from pornhub user "ilovecollegegirls" on an fpov vid
... more
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